Finding old diary entries.

3 days in and I'm already forgetting to do this (or not feeling the urge to) until 3 am.. on the 4th.

Biography of a nobody day 3. January 3rd 2021.

It may technically be the 4th right now (2:44 am) but I am counting it as the third since I haven't slept yet.

I have actually been super productive today! I went to bed at a reasonably early, for me at the minute, last night (2 am).

I was hoping to then be out of bed by 10 am today... I woke up at 11 and researched web design until 12. I then got out of bed, then set to work on my website in WiX (which was the best maker I could find). I spent most of the day doing that, then sorted through my notes app on my phone for random crap I could use as posts that I have written over the years. Turns out that was a really surreal experience.

I have had iPhones since the iPhone 3gs (2009ish). I have kept notes of little thoughts, absolutely terrible rap/poem hybrids, reviews, takeaway orders and arguments for the past 10 years. All accessible on my phone- and I never really realised I was doing it. There's now a wealth of hilarious, ridiculous, mental and useful information about my ups and downs. I saw arguments I had written with complaints about work conditions of a job, love poems for my ex, ideas for films, vines (hah), books. It was a trip down memory lane in the most haphazard way I could imagine- mainly because it's so inconsistent- it's not like my photo reel where I have taken a picture of “happenings”- I have written about things that aren't normally evidenced- and are easily forgotten. I'm not just talking about a Chinese takeaway I had on the 15th Feb 2014- I mean baby name ideas, I mean random shower thoughts and daydreams. Its actually made me really happy. There were some upsetting things to read such as grievances at my old job or things about my ex-wife, but.... they made me realise how far I have come. Why I have done everything the way I have. And finally why keeping this diary may actually be super important.

Also, younger more optimistic me likes to use “ya” in most poems/raps when I struggled to rhyme.. which is hilarious. Younger more optimistic me was also optimistic and happy. I feel like a little weight lifted today- for some reason. I still don't really know how or why. But my date for starting work again was like a bullet waiting to fly at me- now, after a day of random reading into my own past thoughts- I am almost excited to go back.

I don't know if this optimism will last- but let's see.