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Why do I have nervous energy?

I think I figured something out...

Biography of a nobody the game meditation

^This picture has nothing to do with today, but you did just lost THE GAME. If you don't know what the game is then you had a tremendous streak but click this link for a Wiki explanation. Sorry.


Biography of a nobody day 21. January 21st 2021.

I awoke clear, which is great. I also awoke feeling a sort of nervous energy, almost like agitation. It has persisted from yesterday throughout this morning. I feel really strange. Hypersensitive to sound and movement. A puppy and a three year old haven’t helped me relax at all, strange that.

Lunch arrived and I got the confirmation that Alex does not have Covid, so that is a relief. We got the confirmation too late in the day to make sense for me to go to site for work. I had a quick and easy dinner and got ready for our face time with Alex’s aunt and uncle. Two of my closest friends, the aunt is actually Alex’s mum’s cousin... so I am not sure what relation that makes Alex to them but she calls them aunty and uncle. We face-timed them for a cooking session of a traditional Chinese dumpling dessert. Alex absolutely loved making them and copying what her Aunt was doing whilst her uncle danced in the background. I was mainly distracted with keeping Alex away from hot surfaces and from attempting to eat what we were making at various stages. We all absolutely failed in the cooking process and the dumplings ended up being goop in a pan... it still tasted nice so I ate it anyway. Alex settled for a little of one of the ingredients, chocolate, since she decided the dumplings looked “ugh.. icky”.

We supplemented one of the traditional ingredients for chocolate for fun, so that worked out well for me.

I put Lexi to bed with a story and I decided to go to bed too. I awoke around 10PM from a barrage of texts from Sam and Dan asking if I wanted to game. I felt super awake since they had woke me so abruptly, so I figured, why not, and joined them? The games were fun and the guys retired for the night around 11:15 so I decided to watch another episode of the Expanse. I ended up turning it off about 20 mins in as the nervous energy caught up with me again. I set about cleaning up to help myself. I unloaded the washing machine. I washed the pots and sat down. I still felt it. Then finally I thought... maybe I need to exercise.

The itching for the last 2 days. The agitation. The nervous energy. The whole time it was my body pushing me to exercise. I needed it. As soon as I found my weights out the pantry, as soon as I pulled my press up board and ab wheel from under the stairs, my brain clicked. It was as if I had been stupid to think that it had been anything else I had needed. As if it couldn’t have been anything else I had needed to pick myself up for weeks. 39 minutes is all I managed, but I pushed hard. My strength hasn’t wained too much in all my wallowing, but, my stamina is gone. That isn’t due to lack of exercise since I got signed off, I shunned most exercise after around a month of the initial lockdown. Now I have worked out hard I can tell I needed it, my body missed it. What an idiot I have been. I feel strong like I haven’t felt in a long time. I feel ready. I feel like an old machine that has started up for the first time in years. I feel amazing. Why did I stop exercising? What died in me?

Whatever it was that had died, I am looking forward to sleeping and meeting it within myself again tomorrow. It is back. I will not forget how uncomfortable I felt today and how amazing I feel inside now. My arms, my chest, my back. They all ache in such a satisfying way.

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