Blogging when I can...
Hey all, expect more irregular updates...
I don't mean the updates will be strange- I mean I won't get to post every day as I had been doing!
Biography of a nobody day 61-62. March 2nd-3rd 2021.
Why haven't I posted since my first day back at work?
To be honest- I think I perhaps could be dedicating a little more time towards my blog than I have done this week. It isn't that I have not wanted to- or annoyingly that I didn't have the time- those two things just didn't align all week. The blog has got me to where I needed it too- I am more productive (though FAR from perfect) and when I felt productive I read or did research- when I felt down I took Rusty for a walk or I embraced a little escapism on my Nintendo Switch. I have been itching to write but whenever I felt that itch either Alex wanted to play or Bee was using the computer. By the time they were both in bed my normal late-night writing fever had dissipated- perhaps because I am trying to enforce an earlier, and healthier, sleep routine. Not that not writing has helped with that if I am honest...
Day 61, March 2nd.
I spent most of this day out of sorts. I was still slightly overwhelmed by my return to work the day before. I am on a phased return- so I am only working 2 days this week- and yesterday was harder than I thought it would be, regardless of how much more relaxed I felt through the day. Having Alex with me last night helped unwind my mind a lot with love and laughter- she seems to grow up so much on her weeks away. I am writing this entry on Monday 8th- I dropped her off at the nursery this morning and her Mum will pick her up and Alex will stay with her until next Monday. Knowing that I won't have my little bundle of joy, energy and learning asking me questions all evening is already making me sad. I miss her so much. It has only been five and a half hours... It feels so long ago.
The rest of my day...
When I dropped Alex off at nursery I had big plans for the rest of my day. I wanted to write up how my first day back at work had felt whilst it was still fresh- but by the time I got home I have pushed myself back into those emotions so much I found my energy waining...
I flicked the kettle on then sat on the sofa... by the time the kettle had boiled I had lost the energy to stand up. I ended up falling to sleep for about 2 hours. I didn't sleep well last night, so I forgave myself for the nap. I had a little work to do (organising some health and safety files on my Dad's work computer- his desktop looks like someone released a zoo into a W.H.Smiths. No wonder he couldn't find anything.
Just get MOVING!
When I finished I went back to the sofa. I told myself I needed to be more active- I need to walk somewhere- I will walk the puppy. I sat on the sofa and contemplated the idea of moving until about 2:30 then I either needed to go fuel up my car and pick Alex up from nursery... or walk Rusty to fetch her with me... a good idea. Alex and Rusty will love that and it gets me moving.
It worked. By the time my 3-year-old daughter, my 3-month-old puppy and I fell through the front door in a tangled mess of dog leads, treats and muddy shoes- I felt noticeably better. I even glanced a mirror in the living room... I look better. It is crazy what a difference a 20 to 30-minute walk can do for your state of mind. Especially when negative thoughts are pushed back by strangers all wanting to cuddle your cute puppy- or by your child constantly pointing at things and describing to you the shapes and colours that make them, whilst either tripping up, tripping you up, or tripping the dog up with the dog lead.
Day 62, March 3rd.
Alex had the day off today...
She is absolutely fine, I just thought we could have some fun. Go and see some farm animals, walk Rusty in the woods, do some drawing. We had loads of fun. I had really missed her last week and she used to spend one day a week with her Nan on the family farm. Obviously, that is harder to navigate at the minute so I try and get around it with Facetime sessions with her nan and us dring to see some animals from a distance. I think she understands, kids are smarter than we think sometimes. I can't wait until she can run around the farm with her little cousins again when the lockdown is over.
We had lots of fun, we did all of the above and it was a really good distraction for me- I am lecturing my first groups tomorrow since my time off. I am not worried about them asking why I was off... I don't actually know what I was worried about- I just felt on edge- and Alex helped alleviate all of that massively.
Some Hunger games!
Once Alex had fallen to sleep after her story, Bee and I figured it was about time we picked another film series... I really wanted to start the Hobbit films- but I knew that would be a stretch- so we decided upon The Hunger Games films. I have seen the first two but never actually watched the last two. I remember the first two pretty fondly... even if the love story was a little... meh- but I am looking forward to catching up on Katnips Aberdeen (Real name Katniss Everdeen) and finally finishing the story!
Worried about ????? happening in a film?
Bee experienced some bad stuff last year so I always need to have either seen the film first or check online to see if that particular thing is featured in the film/series- I have found an absolutely AMAZING website to help with that!
The website is: Does the dog die.com
It basically tells you- spoiler-free- whether or not a massive list of things occur in your searched film- everything from whether or not a dog dies through to whether or not there are assault or self-harm scenes. I have found it massively useful, it helps me find out whether or not we should watch something together as I don't want Bee to have to sit in worry about whether or not she is going to see things that could cause her flashbacks. An invaluable resource in my opinion.
The best thing is, it isn't just for TV or Film- you can even search book titles and it will list whether or not those things occur in the book too.
-Ps. I am not an affiliate or anything- I just genuinely think the site is amazing. Anyone suffering PTSD from certain events would benefit from knowing similar won't occur in their new book, film or TV series.