BIG diary update...

A few days in one

You lucky lucky lot...

Ps. The picture above IS NOT my desk... my desk is more disorganised and far less photogenic!

Biography of a nobody days 54, 55 and 56. February 23rd-25th 2021.

I have been SOOO busy. Most of the spare time I have had has been reserved for sleeping, eating and pooping. The first two in equal measure... I may have watched some Harry Potter films too...

Day 54, February 23rd. Why I have not updated the Diary in 3 days...

Covid safety... Ugh...

This day is the reason I have no had chance to update my diary. Or more like I faced a text-based overload! I had been asked to help construct a COVID-19 risk assessment, risk awareness sheet and sanitisation schedules for a friends company soon to return to work. This is fine- I was looking for things to get back into using my brain in preparation for returning to work... but this... phew.

Never have I researched and written such dry and boring crap in my life. I have written Risk Assessments before, consulted on Risk Assessments before- and obviously, Risk Assessed before. But this. This is on another level. The sheer amount of things you need to cover, often multiples of times, so that it is all as foolproof as possible and not only keeps people safe but protects the company. -Obviously- staff safety first!

Anyway- an 18-page document, this is just the risk assessment, took me quite a few hours to write. I needed to double-check PHE (Public Health England) latest advice for the sector, adapt accordingly. Around 6 hours in... I had a power cut (the whole street did). Now... I swallowed the anger and frustration... and turned the computer back on. Great... 3 hours lost. You would think I would learn to activate autosave or at least save at regular intervals. Well, I didn't... So I resumed. Rewrote. Another power cut. I may... have let out a few unsavoury words at this point. It is fine, my Nan wasn't present- she lives 20 miles away and we are in lockdown.

I went to pick Bee up and by the time we were home the power was back on, we took Rusty on a walk then we watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire whilst eating our dinner. I couldn't remember much of this film- though Bee and I are loving the nostalgia working our way back through them all. They are FAR too adult for Alex by this point in the series so we are aiming to have them all watched before she comes back next Monday.

I resumed writing and eventually finished writing at 3am. By this point, I wanted the document complete and out of my life. I don't know why I added that pressure to myself... It isn't exactly due right now. Meh.

So that is what put me off writing for fun for a couple of days.

Day 55, February 24th. My back to work meeting!

Is this what Narcolepsy feels like?

I dropped Bee off at work at 8am... I have NO IDEA how I got out of bed. My eyes were killing me and I felt painfully tired from the 3am slog on the worlds most boring writing task.

I got home at 8:40, let Rusty out for a quick stretch, and drank my second strong coffee. I sat at my computer to start writing this blog, which I wanted to do, then fell asleep for 3 hours. My spine felt like someone had been trying to dig in it for silver with blunt pickaxes.

I needed to be properly awake for the back to work meeting at 2pm, so I made ANOTHER strong coffee, tidied the house and then made myself some food. I caught my reflection in the mirror on the way to the bathroom after my lunch... then in the bathroom... I figured I could look a little fresher...

I decided to attempt to cut my own hair. I have let my beard and hair just grow since I was signed off- I m normally clean-shaven and short-haired as per my homepage photo... This was me before my attempt at cutting my hair... Yeah, I need a shower too. I did have one yesterday believe it or not!

Don't ask me what face I am pulling... It certainly isn't my 'come to bed dear' face.

Anyway. Turns out there is a reason why I pay a skilled and professional hairdresser to cut my hair normally- Not just use some safety scissors of Alex's plus my electric beard trimmer- like I have done today. I couldnt sort the back out- luckily my boss won't be able to see that on zoom...

Yes, OK... Here is my error style self-made hair cut...

... Oh dear. Not just the bit the arrow is pointing at... the whole thing... Maybe I should just try bald?

Well, I don't need to leave the house, and I have hats. It will be fine.

My back to work meeting...

I showered and dressed smart- then logged on to Zoom. Considering my lack of sleep last night and my random morning- I felt pretty good.

I joined the Zoom call with my boss plus the HR representative I have been updating on my progress- they are both fantastic and have been super supportive. My main concern was that I would resume work as normal then find it hard- so I wondered if there was going to be an easing in or if I would be able to do half days... I can't afford to do half days, to be honest- I live month to month like most people.

It turns out I didn't need to be concerned. Luckily I had got my students far enough ahead before I got signed off that they are not behind. There are also agency staff covering the classes and keeping the students working- which is great. With those two things in mind and in place- my boss suggested I take it slow adjusting back to work. Next week I am going to do two days, three the week after and so on until I am working a full week. Next week I will just be catching up with staff and mandatory training that has expired- the following week I will check in with the agency staff for a handover of my learners progress. So, a decent adjustment back in. That took all of my nerves away. It was then just nice to catch up and let them know how my counselling had gone, how Alex and Rusty are doing, and things I have been working on to assist my recovery- such as this blog. I am not overly comfortable sharing this blog with them yet- though I do not know if any staff have found it naturally anyway?

I feel like I want to be around people again...

When I signed off the meeting I felt relaxed and relieved. It was time to go and pick up Bee, so I set off and had a think about how I am actually quite excited and looking forward to re-entering work. Not feeling like I want to hide away from the world. Before I was signed off I was a ball of confusion, anger, frustration and sleep deprivation.

I was lethargic, disconnected and in need of real help- so what did I do about it? I distanced myself from everyone to pretend I was fine.

I wasn't aware that that is what I was doing. Hell, I wasn't even really aware that that is what I was feeling. I was too tired, confused and frustrated to have that clarity. I was spiralling downwards, and luckily my boss intervened before it permanently negatively affected my career or worse.

I think the thing I have learned to be the most important is communication. Tell people how you are feeling- even if you dont tell them why. Be honest with yourself so that you can then be honest with them. If not your superior or a family member or friends then your GP. Start a dialogue somewhere. If you wait for them to notice it may be too late.

This works the other way round too- If you notice someone you know isn't themselves or they seem very isolated- try talking to them. If that is not something you feel comfortable with try contacting someone who will. If you are waiting until they try to talk to you, it may end up being too late. I needed someone to talk to me because I never would have identified my own troubles. Not until it was far too late.

Bee and I had another evening of nice food and the next Harry Potter film. This time it was the Order of the Pheonix... Grrrrrr that women... you love to hate her. What an amazing cast of people- they play their characters so well. Amazing film.

I went to bed at a reasonable time- mainly because I couldn't actually stay awake any longer- even though I really wanted to be writing my blog!!! I knew the next day would be busy though- so I yielded to the more sensible side of my brain.

I did find it hard to sleep at first though since GME and AMC stocks went INSANE half an hour before markets closed, then even more in after-hours trading. In that 30 minutes- the stocks over doubled- effectively over doubling the value of a multi-million-pound company in under an hour. Crazy. (From around $40 a share at 8:30pm to around $120 in after-hours trading when I fell to sleep at 11pm)

Day 56, February 25th. Easily my most productive day in the last 3 months!

Finishing the base...

I dropped Bee off at work then went straight to the workshop to weld the base of the project I started the other day.

Once welded and tidied up with a soft pad on the hand grinder I then needed to paint and lacquer it. I headed to my local supplier and managed to find a very similar colour spray paint (actually a BMW car paint) plus some spray can laquer. I picked myself up a bucket, sponge and alloy wheel brush too... I haven't washed my car in about 6 months- I just keep wiping the number plates clean. Oooh, I also picked up the 6mm socket I needed way back when I actually took the machine apart- Link here!

I got home and masking-taped up any threaded holes I didn't want to fill with paint or lacquer- then bagged the wheels and set to painting. As you can see by the picture below- It looks ACE!

There were actually quite a few other scratches and gouges in the paint- so I figured a once over would be nice anyway- not just painting over the repair.

In between spraying the layers, I actually washed my car. Yep, completely... It looks 1000x better. Here is a picture of it later in the evening. Yeah, I am that proud that I washed it (probably because it shows I am starting to want to look after things and see people again) that I am showing you a picture of it clean:

After finishing the painting and cleaning the car it was time to pick Bee up. We took Rusty for a walk then decided we would treat ourselves to a pay day Chinese. We picked it up and watched the next Harry Potter film- The half-blood prince...... NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Poor Harry. If you know you know!

Clean car, finished project (that I am fitting tomorrow!)- a nice walk and a Chinese- plus these blog entries. A really productive day.

Night all.